I have been dreaming about writing this blog post. A blog post that has taken just short of 3 years to come to fruition. It has been a long, hard journey, but we finally got there. I wanted to share my story to hopefully inspire others who may be on similar journeys.
Apart from watching my dad suffer and eventually pass away from a dreadful illness, the journey of trying to conceive has certainly been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I know that could come across as ridiculous to some, but when you are faced with potentially not being able to have a family (should you want one), the thoughts haunt you daily. The guilt, the anger and the bitterness consume hours of your day and often send you into a very dark place. I won’t bore you with the details of exactly what we did to finally get here because we did hundreds of things. I even bathed in mud that a patient of mine brought me, convinced it would work for me!
After years of searching, I finally admitted to myself that I had emotional stuff I needed to work on. I tell my clients daily, that weight or disease is often a manifestation of an emotional issue, and it was time for me to take my own advice.
I knew that I had to face 2 big emotional issues attached to certain energies in my life that I had been ignoring for years – both were firmly rooted in fear. It was not an easy admission to make, and I did reach out and ask for help. I spent hour’s journaling, meditating, praying, doing yoga, talking to my therapist/coach, visualizing, crying, doing headstands (those of your trying will know what I mean☺) – oh this list goes on. I came to a few realisations that I documented a few months before we conceived (I took these from my journal 24/10/2016), and I hope that at least one resonates with someone out there.
10 lessons my journey to conception taught me:
1. Soul, spirit, God, the universe, or whomever or whatever you believe in, work differently to us. Their idea of timing cannot be calculated on a watch or calendar.
2. Belief and hope are really all that we have. Don’t let either go – even when you want to.
3. Fear is where the lessons lie. If you don’t work on your fear, you won’t more forward (towards your baby, or much in life really).
4. Pride and status get you nowhere. No one ever thinks it will happen to them. Be real and never say never (to anything).
5. This journey changes you deep down to your core. You are not the same person after this road. You are wounded, but stronger. You are also wiser and probably more capable of being the best parent you can be.
6. Don’t feel ashamed about your path. If anything, feel privileged that your child's soul has such high standards for you. It expects you to grow and struggle and become the best version of yourself, before it graces you with its human form.
7. You will feel jealousy, anger and resentment along the way. This is 100% normal but don’t forget to be happy for others (even if you have to fake it, you never know what someone else has gone through). Keep going back to the notion that ‘Everything is always changing’, and that you WILL get your baby, just in the universal time zone not yours.
8. Try and constantly think about ‘What you want’, not 'What you don’t have'. Ask the universe daily to support you in getting your baby. Don’t focus on the emptiness constantly. Visualize your child, your nursery, your pregnant belly, your husband's smile. Remind yourself that there is a power called the Power of Attraction.
9. Think about your life from the perspective of your deathbed. The biggest challenges overcome will be the ones worth remembering.
10. Believe that your baby is coming. Believe this with every cell of your being, and then just wait.
And so I am now 22 weeks pregnant with the little soul that has chosen us to be his/her parents. And I feel lighter, although I am heavier ;) Lighter thanks to letting go of some of those emotional ropes that were tied to inner world. This is however a constant work in progress!
To those of you out there trying to conceive, I know the pain you have in your hearts, the hope you hold over ovulation, the dread you carry when you come on, the rage you feel when that stick says negative.
I get you.
To those of you who have wanted to punch a person in the face who says, just relax your baby will come when its meant to, or just forget about it and it will happen.
I get you.
To those of you who feel like no one understands you. They don’t understand how sad you feel and they always say the wrong things and never just let you cry or be sad.
I get you.
And to those of you who have to sit and listen to what feels like everyone around you falling pregnant, having gone off the pill last month.
I get you.
I hope this blog inspires you to perhaps take a new approach on your journey. Work on your inside world, and then wait. Your baby is coming.
Love and light to all your beautiful souls
Love me and my little teacher