When I first walked in to Kari’s office 7 months ago, I felt like a hot mess – a hot mess of low self-esteem, pain and confusion. Food had ceased to be pleasurable for me and had become a source of great pain and confusion. I was not able to look at my full body in the mirror without flinching and I did not believe myself to be attractive in any way or form.
My weight had fluctuated by 20KG in the space of five years and whilst I was able to lose 5kg on my own, the other 15kg were hanging around, tightly molded to my body, interwoven with anxiety, stress, false beliefs and a past I had not accepted or integrated.
To say I was fearful when I walked into Kari’s office, was no understatement, I was scared to be met with more judgement and criticism, which is the message I received from the outside world, some comments I had to deal with from the outside world were, “What happened to you? You are not the person I recognize or know?” “Babe, don’t worry he said he would date you even if you’re fat” “What are you eating now? You know I’ve always been able to keep my figure in check” “You need big help.” That was from friends.
From a personal trainer at the gym, “When you walk toward me all I can see is your hips but that will change soon.” “Don’t worry soon you’ll be able to wear sleeveless tops and not be conscious of your big upper arms.” “This exercise hurts you because your knees can’t carry your weight.”
As we all know, words hold great power and words that shame are the very worst kind of words. As I stepped into Kari’s office, all I was greeted with was a beautiful, kind, warm smile and a woman who instantly made me feel at ease.
I asked her not to tell me my weight or measurements and she gently agreed, she listened to me and helped me unravel the many reasons in my psyche that had led to me forgetting food as a pleasure source and utilizing it rather as an escape source and a form of punishment.
As I started following Kari’s wonderful way of eating, my energy soared and my fear for food slowly disappeared. I have an intense sweet tooth and a mad love for cheesecake which Kari helped me incorporate into my way of eating.
I’ll never forget one particular session, where she asked me why I did not want to know what I weighed, she asked me what the number on the scale represented to me, I could only answer, “I don’t know”.She then looked at me and said, “It represents the body that you use to walk around, to exercise, to meet people, to dance with, to enjoy life with” and wow, a shift occurred! Kari helped remind me that this beautiful body of mine, is primarily a vehicle to experience this beautiful gift of life I’ve been given and it is a wonderful body that works, and most of all is miraculous and loves me unconditionally. She helped me integrate my body and my mind to achieve stillness and a gentle acceptance after nearly 15 years of an internal body war (I’m currently 30 years old).
I feel so attractive and wonderful in my body now (9cm off my waist and 12kg lost) and love looking in full length mirrors, I recently bought a size small in beautiful brown suede pants and believe it or not I started crying in the changing room, I couldn’t believe the woman standing in front of me in the mirror, wearing these beautiful pants and looking so confident, was me!!
Yes, this is a lifelong journey, the media and living in a patriarchal society pretty much ensures that women are blasted with unrealistic ideals and unfair comments and yes I have fallen off the wagon once or twice but with Kari’s gentle non-judgemental manner and wisdom and depth I feel confident that I am in the right hands and I can’t recommend this wonderful person highly enough or thank her enough for her gentle manner and kindness.